Love and Miracles

Just put my mother in a taxi. We’ve got the morning down to a science. I’ll go this afternoon. She’s been staying with me while my father is at Sloan Kettering. Every day I plan the dinner I’ll prepare for us when we get back from the hospital at 8:00.  I want to knock her socks off. Make her a meal that is both delicious and healthy. It doesn’t address the deeper problem (she is losing her husband and I am losing my father), but it’s a comfort and a distraction. It makes me feel better to know I can make her feel better. It’s much the same feeling I have about the care at Sloan Kettering, which has been excellent. It helps so much to know that everything that can be done is being done. It allows you to relax a little. They have an aid who sits with my father all night. Every nurse, every specialist, every doctor involved with his care has been top notch. On Friday, he’ll go home. My mother is making arrangements for Hospice.

While this goes on, the rest of life is on the shelf. Although, a run with Paul in the park, an hour with Doe at the dog run, a meal with Jacqui  at the Ethiopian restaurant on 113th Street, all help to remind me that life is good. I value it all more, in fact.

Doe, especially, is such a comfort. She is doing great on her new food (and a pinch of Tylan twice a day). She seems perfectly healthy most of the time now. Maybe she’ll outgrow her illness altogether. She is an amazing dog, loving and playful with my mother and friends. Happy to run and play with other dogs, and very smart, too. Even the cats can’t resist her.

I haven’t been working at all. The guitars and piano are literally gathering dust. But I’ll get back to it. I am thinking about the songs I need to finish for the new record I’d like to release and I’m digesting ideas even as I do nothing more. I know that because I’ve started thinking about the fact that I need to hire a drummer for some of these songs. I need to have a few songs with different instrumentation. Maybe I should go back and listen to the songs I recorded with Anton and the band.  I wasn’t happy with the results at the time and put them aside, but I should listen again. I wonder where the tapes are?

Beautiful day today. It’s supposed to rain, I think. But there’s a delicious smell in the air and the sun is out now. I love the crisp fall weather. I wonder how Billy,  who is renting my house in Mattituck, is doing with all the leaves coming down. I don’t miss the responsibility a house demands. Billy doesn’t seem to mind, though. He’s another blessing. Doesn’t it often seem that when things are most difficult all these gifts, in the way of people and magical occurances, bring relief?

There are miracles in this life. Every day is full of the evidence. I would never be so arrogant as to discount them or attempt to explain them.

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